Wow it has been a while. not that I havent needed to write, just basically all the stuff that has been going on in life.
Everything to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia to having to have injections done in my spine for a herniated disc/pinched nerve. The injections worked great for about 6 weeks. I am no where near the amount of pain I was in, but it does seem to be getting worse :( One day at a time.
So much has changed and is changing. Hannah graduated from high school, has gotten a job and is starting college in the fall. She has a boyfriend, the one - that I dont know. Only time will tell. I like him well enough but is he the one? Emily did not do well in school this year at all so we enrolled her in summer school and will probably continue this route into the fall.
Sometimes I feel like I am constantly fighting them in one way or another. Its their attitudes or just adhering to the rules.
Sometimes I just get through the day. Which that seems to be my norm. Just surviving.
I'm not depressed, well sometimes I am. I dont feel destined to be this way the rest of my life. Maybe right now I'm just coasting through. Saving my strength. For what, I dont know. In some ways I'm apathetic. Just really don't care. Don't care about anyone else but me and mine.
Taking Emily out of school will relieve some stress out of our lives. I was just so sick of all the drama - who's on drugs, who's pregnant, who's not talking to who this week. Really??!? It just got so old, so fast.
Money wise - same thing. Friday rich, Monday poor. Paying the bills, some play money. Again, surviving.
Family - mine ok, Eddy's - same crap as always. Why do we even try? Eddy longs for a relationship with his dad. Although as long as Ann is around, that will never happen.
Surviving - yep thats it - treading water.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Aggaivated
Its been a while since I've posted and today, well, I need to put all this down or I might explode.
Just aggravated. Aggravated that my 15 year old daughter is not serious about her school work. Most of her failing grades are strictly because she doesn't do it and doesn't turn anything in. And that just drives me bonkers. I have one end of the spectrum with her sister being OCD about her grades and then she could care less. I could just pull my hair out!
I have deep issues dealing with the church I was raised in and every time I read something that has to do with that subject, it sends me into a "mood". Why do I read it? - I'm hoping someone out there is going to give me or tell me something to move past it. But its really just not that easy. Then, the other night , my daughter wants to discuss a Biblical topic we've heard preached for years (not at the church were at now) only to find out, its not in the Bible, or should I say, its been elaborated upon.
Another question - if there is so much to teach and learn in the Bible why must someone preach opinion? And preach it as if it is written just that way.
I am so sick of opinion preaching. Sick of legalism preaching. Us against them. Just over it. Over religion in general.
I fight weekly the rules and opinions of my youth. I have a hard time judging people in church matters. I have had to accept the fact that its between them and God and not for me to judge.
Just having one of those days I guess.
Aggravated my back hurts - my house is a mess and I really cant do much about it. Yes, I have daughters, don't start on me about that. I am a house wife and I feel it is my job being that, that I should do the things that are around the house. They do help out some, one more than the other.
If I drank, I think now would be the perfect time to start.
Just aggravated. Aggravated that my 15 year old daughter is not serious about her school work. Most of her failing grades are strictly because she doesn't do it and doesn't turn anything in. And that just drives me bonkers. I have one end of the spectrum with her sister being OCD about her grades and then she could care less. I could just pull my hair out!
I have deep issues dealing with the church I was raised in and every time I read something that has to do with that subject, it sends me into a "mood". Why do I read it? - I'm hoping someone out there is going to give me or tell me something to move past it. But its really just not that easy. Then, the other night , my daughter wants to discuss a Biblical topic we've heard preached for years (not at the church were at now) only to find out, its not in the Bible, or should I say, its been elaborated upon.
Another question - if there is so much to teach and learn in the Bible why must someone preach opinion? And preach it as if it is written just that way.
I am so sick of opinion preaching. Sick of legalism preaching. Us against them. Just over it. Over religion in general.
I fight weekly the rules and opinions of my youth. I have a hard time judging people in church matters. I have had to accept the fact that its between them and God and not for me to judge.
Just having one of those days I guess.
Aggravated my back hurts - my house is a mess and I really cant do much about it. Yes, I have daughters, don't start on me about that. I am a house wife and I feel it is my job being that, that I should do the things that are around the house. They do help out some, one more than the other.
If I drank, I think now would be the perfect time to start.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Jealousy
On any typical day, I am not a jealous person, but the past couple of days, I have been.
Two weeks ago Emily had to go to the doctor about her shoulder. They told us it was irritated cartilage and rotator cuff tendinitis. Had we not brought her in when we did surgery would have been in the works. Now we've had 2 weeks of physical therapy, no throwing, no pitching and her shoulder still hurts. She has not been able to try out for the high school team, so were not on the team. Team pictures are Sunday but were not on the team. They've had games this weekend, but were not on the team. I've had to see pictures on Facebook of the game winning run or of the pitcher who pitched (it would have been Emi). We should have been in that game. I'm jealous and I admit it.
For 8 years Emily has played softball and this is the first time we've had to do this. It's hard! I hate it.
Yes, I understand she has to get better in order to ever pitch or throw again but it doesn't make it any easier.
I have to keep reminding my self of Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I know this verse but it is so hard to put into practice this time. I understand God is keeping her/us from something.
Yesterday she talked for a long time with her pitching coach and just rolled things and scenarios around with her. Emi has a good grasp of what all is at stake and is going on in her life right now. She is torn. She wants to play but also knows she needs to concentrate on her schoolwork and grades and that is what's more important.
There is that part of me that is scared that her shoulder is worse than it seems. That she does need surgery.
I want so much for her but this has made me realize and think - do I want this for her or me?
We have put so much money and time into pitching. She is good.
Why is this driving me crazy like it is?
When I see the pics I think in myself - that should have been Emily.
God help me.
Tuesday is her next PT appointment and at that point will be determined whether she will be dismissed or not. I have an odd feeling she will not. So that will mean no high school softball this year. I will probably come home and cry. It seems this is what we've worked for. The notoriety of playing on the high school team. How she takes it - I don't know. Who knows, she may be relieved.
This is all in God's hands, what he sees best for her is what will happen.
So why cant I stop feeling this way?
Two weeks ago Emily had to go to the doctor about her shoulder. They told us it was irritated cartilage and rotator cuff tendinitis. Had we not brought her in when we did surgery would have been in the works. Now we've had 2 weeks of physical therapy, no throwing, no pitching and her shoulder still hurts. She has not been able to try out for the high school team, so were not on the team. Team pictures are Sunday but were not on the team. They've had games this weekend, but were not on the team. I've had to see pictures on Facebook of the game winning run or of the pitcher who pitched (it would have been Emi). We should have been in that game. I'm jealous and I admit it.
For 8 years Emily has played softball and this is the first time we've had to do this. It's hard! I hate it.
Yes, I understand she has to get better in order to ever pitch or throw again but it doesn't make it any easier.
I have to keep reminding my self of Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I know this verse but it is so hard to put into practice this time. I understand God is keeping her/us from something.
Yesterday she talked for a long time with her pitching coach and just rolled things and scenarios around with her. Emi has a good grasp of what all is at stake and is going on in her life right now. She is torn. She wants to play but also knows she needs to concentrate on her schoolwork and grades and that is what's more important.
There is that part of me that is scared that her shoulder is worse than it seems. That she does need surgery.
I want so much for her but this has made me realize and think - do I want this for her or me?
We have put so much money and time into pitching. She is good.
Why is this driving me crazy like it is?
When I see the pics I think in myself - that should have been Emily.
God help me.
Tuesday is her next PT appointment and at that point will be determined whether she will be dismissed or not. I have an odd feeling she will not. So that will mean no high school softball this year. I will probably come home and cry. It seems this is what we've worked for. The notoriety of playing on the high school team. How she takes it - I don't know. Who knows, she may be relieved.
This is all in God's hands, what he sees best for her is what will happen.
So why cant I stop feeling this way?
Monday, July 29, 2013
Salvation
The beginning. Yes my, well all beginnings begin at birth. Your first breath.
But for a child of God, the beginning is the moment you accept Jesus into your heart.
So, here is my story:
At the age of 5 I remember my parents coming home from a revival they had sang at. Someone had stayed at the house to babysit me. I remember asking my Dad what the preacher had preached on and he had said "Hell". No kid wants go to go to hell so I told him I wanted to be saved. I remember praying several times that night, and I thought I got saved, but looking back I believe that was the seed that was planted.
In third grade I remember my teacher Mrs. McCall teaching on the crucifixion and how I felt.
One thing to note, I was raised in a Christian home, went to a Christian school and was raised in an independent Baptist church. If there was one thing I knew it was how to be saved.
That kind of life grows on you. You get used to it. You know how to talk it, walk it and live it. Do all the right things at the right time in front of the right people. You know all the right answers to the questions, heck, you even know the questions. I knew it all. I knew it all so much and so well, I was a walking talking Bible. I was religious.
Did I have my rebellious years, oh yeah. From about age 12 to 15 if it was not supposed to be done or frowned upon, I did it. No, I did not do drugs or alcohol or sleep around but I did not do what was expected of me and house rules.
Looking back, some of the things I did were not so bad, it was just that I did some stuff I shouldn't have done or was told not to do.
Keep in mind, my parents were very strict on me. Our church was very strict. My school was very strict. The fact was, I was doing what I was told not to do.
Looking back its almost comical. I gave my testimony at our baccalaureate ceremony and had even won a couple to Christ, and I wasn't even saved!
After graduating high school, I started attending college (tech school). Here, I got an eye opener. I had no idea girls cussed, drank, smoked and partied like these kids did. I was in shock. No I didn't participate because it scared me to death. But I firmly believe this was God's way of getting me out of a "bubble" I had been in for 13 yrs.
Since I can remember I had sang in a choir. When I was 5 I joined the Sun Beams. A choir for kids. As I got older I could not wait to join the Youth Choir because it was so much more grown up. Then when you turned 13 you got to join the Sounds of Joy. At that point, you thought you had arrived! Those were the most tumultuous years of my life. I would not relive them for anything. I hated it then, and to look back at it now, I hate it now. I stayed in trouble. Always testing my bounds.
At 16 you got to join the Dedications. This choir traveled all over the southeast singing wherever our pastor preached. Again, I was walking the walk and talking the talk. Whenever he got up to preach he would brag on us how we all lived a certain way and did things a certain way, while we all smiled and sang our songs. Knowing all too well that at the last practice so and so had come in on a buzz or so and so had alcohol in the car or so and so was sleeping with their boyfriend/girlfriend. And that's just a few of the "rules" that were being broken.
So, basically, I was being taught how to live a lie. Don't get me wrong, my parents were at home what they said they were at church. But at church and school, being a "Christian" kid meant very little.
There are a few incidents I can point at where I know God was dealing with me.
One night we had a particularly moving service at church. Everyone was kneeling at the seats or in the alter, and I remember our Pastor turning around and saying, "Someone in the choir needs to get saved and someone needs to announce their call to preach.". Of course as religious as I was, I pushed it off on someone else. The tug was there. I had felt it and brushed it off.
Another instance was one Sunday morning we had a visiting preacher, and again, a very moving service. Almost everyone had gone down the aisle. I was kneeling and the preacher was standing on the stage in front of the aisle where I was kneeling and said "Pray for them, they need to get saved.". Yet again, I pushed it off on someone behind me.
We were at a church singing, I think it was in North Carolina, and our Pastor had called on one of the young men in the choir to give his testimony, he had just recently gotten saved. I remember thinking about it and my salvation. I then told God, "God if I'm not saved, you're going to have to tell me by someone else mentioning it. Not long after that, another young man in the choir was asked to give his testimony. This is when God told me - it was me, I was not saved. But, I didn't get saved that night.
What I thought was over a years time, after researching it, ended up only being a few months time, from the time our Pastor mentioned that about the choir to the time I actually got saved.
Our church was hosting the Southern Preachers Conference, or something like that. Of course I had to be there every night. On that Wednesday night, Bob Howard was called on to preach. He preached out of John 1, three people in the Church: believers, unbelievers and make believers. When he said the word make believers, I knew he was talking to me. It was as if they were shining a spot light on me. I tried everything to get him off of me, reading the Bible, reading the song book, but nothing helped. He couldn't get to the alter call fast enough.
When it came time for the alter call, I hit the alter. All I could say was "Lord save me". That's all I could get out.
What is so horrible was I let pride get to me and just told the preacher I just needed assurance. I went to him before service was over and told him that I actually had gotten saved. October 11, 1989. I believe I was baptized a week or so later.
Since then I have kind of doubted, but I know, that is when I got saved. If they tore the building down, I could probably take you to the spot and show you where.
Have I always lived it? No, far from it. I'm a work in progress. A day by day, minute by minute. I know how it feels to have God with me, I know how it feels when He's no where to be found.
And that is where it all began.
But for a child of God, the beginning is the moment you accept Jesus into your heart.
So, here is my story:
At the age of 5 I remember my parents coming home from a revival they had sang at. Someone had stayed at the house to babysit me. I remember asking my Dad what the preacher had preached on and he had said "Hell". No kid wants go to go to hell so I told him I wanted to be saved. I remember praying several times that night, and I thought I got saved, but looking back I believe that was the seed that was planted.
In third grade I remember my teacher Mrs. McCall teaching on the crucifixion and how I felt.
One thing to note, I was raised in a Christian home, went to a Christian school and was raised in an independent Baptist church. If there was one thing I knew it was how to be saved.
That kind of life grows on you. You get used to it. You know how to talk it, walk it and live it. Do all the right things at the right time in front of the right people. You know all the right answers to the questions, heck, you even know the questions. I knew it all. I knew it all so much and so well, I was a walking talking Bible. I was religious.
Did I have my rebellious years, oh yeah. From about age 12 to 15 if it was not supposed to be done or frowned upon, I did it. No, I did not do drugs or alcohol or sleep around but I did not do what was expected of me and house rules.
Looking back, some of the things I did were not so bad, it was just that I did some stuff I shouldn't have done or was told not to do.
Keep in mind, my parents were very strict on me. Our church was very strict. My school was very strict. The fact was, I was doing what I was told not to do.
Looking back its almost comical. I gave my testimony at our baccalaureate ceremony and had even won a couple to Christ, and I wasn't even saved!
After graduating high school, I started attending college (tech school). Here, I got an eye opener. I had no idea girls cussed, drank, smoked and partied like these kids did. I was in shock. No I didn't participate because it scared me to death. But I firmly believe this was God's way of getting me out of a "bubble" I had been in for 13 yrs.
Since I can remember I had sang in a choir. When I was 5 I joined the Sun Beams. A choir for kids. As I got older I could not wait to join the Youth Choir because it was so much more grown up. Then when you turned 13 you got to join the Sounds of Joy. At that point, you thought you had arrived! Those were the most tumultuous years of my life. I would not relive them for anything. I hated it then, and to look back at it now, I hate it now. I stayed in trouble. Always testing my bounds.
At 16 you got to join the Dedications. This choir traveled all over the southeast singing wherever our pastor preached. Again, I was walking the walk and talking the talk. Whenever he got up to preach he would brag on us how we all lived a certain way and did things a certain way, while we all smiled and sang our songs. Knowing all too well that at the last practice so and so had come in on a buzz or so and so had alcohol in the car or so and so was sleeping with their boyfriend/girlfriend. And that's just a few of the "rules" that were being broken.
So, basically, I was being taught how to live a lie. Don't get me wrong, my parents were at home what they said they were at church. But at church and school, being a "Christian" kid meant very little.
There are a few incidents I can point at where I know God was dealing with me.
One night we had a particularly moving service at church. Everyone was kneeling at the seats or in the alter, and I remember our Pastor turning around and saying, "Someone in the choir needs to get saved and someone needs to announce their call to preach.". Of course as religious as I was, I pushed it off on someone else. The tug was there. I had felt it and brushed it off.
Another instance was one Sunday morning we had a visiting preacher, and again, a very moving service. Almost everyone had gone down the aisle. I was kneeling and the preacher was standing on the stage in front of the aisle where I was kneeling and said "Pray for them, they need to get saved.". Yet again, I pushed it off on someone behind me.
We were at a church singing, I think it was in North Carolina, and our Pastor had called on one of the young men in the choir to give his testimony, he had just recently gotten saved. I remember thinking about it and my salvation. I then told God, "God if I'm not saved, you're going to have to tell me by someone else mentioning it. Not long after that, another young man in the choir was asked to give his testimony. This is when God told me - it was me, I was not saved. But, I didn't get saved that night.
What I thought was over a years time, after researching it, ended up only being a few months time, from the time our Pastor mentioned that about the choir to the time I actually got saved.
Our church was hosting the Southern Preachers Conference, or something like that. Of course I had to be there every night. On that Wednesday night, Bob Howard was called on to preach. He preached out of John 1, three people in the Church: believers, unbelievers and make believers. When he said the word make believers, I knew he was talking to me. It was as if they were shining a spot light on me. I tried everything to get him off of me, reading the Bible, reading the song book, but nothing helped. He couldn't get to the alter call fast enough.
When it came time for the alter call, I hit the alter. All I could say was "Lord save me". That's all I could get out.
What is so horrible was I let pride get to me and just told the preacher I just needed assurance. I went to him before service was over and told him that I actually had gotten saved. October 11, 1989. I believe I was baptized a week or so later.
Since then I have kind of doubted, but I know, that is when I got saved. If they tore the building down, I could probably take you to the spot and show you where.
Have I always lived it? No, far from it. I'm a work in progress. A day by day, minute by minute. I know how it feels to have God with me, I know how it feels when He's no where to be found.
And that is where it all began.
Book
I've been told on many occasions I should write a book.
I have many stories, anecdotes, praises, heartbreaks and blessings, I really don't know where I would start.
Do I start from my earliest memory or do I start from today and go back?
But I guess that's kind of what a blog is . . . but then again I feel as though a blog is a journal, a diary of sorts.
So where to begin. Hmmmm. Go to the next blog to find out :)
I have many stories, anecdotes, praises, heartbreaks and blessings, I really don't know where I would start.
Do I start from my earliest memory or do I start from today and go back?
But I guess that's kind of what a blog is . . . but then again I feel as though a blog is a journal, a diary of sorts.
So where to begin. Hmmmm. Go to the next blog to find out :)
Monday, May 13, 2013
Past
I wrote this in 2009 - 100 things about me.
If things have changed - I'll add on
1. Sometimes I think I need counseling. Either with a pastor or Christian psychologist. Oh the things I could talk about. Some big things, some that I should let go but just gnaw at me. I am not a bitter person I just tend to play things over and over as to how I might have handled things differently or just said something differently.
2. I have just about given up on the whole "friend" thing. I dont think it exists anymore. People get their feelings hurt too easily or get offended at the least little bit. Sometimes it is the stupidest thing. I just throw my hands up and walk away. I've been left standing there so many times, wondering what I did , I'm tired of trying anymore.
3. Church is my only escape. The only place I can go to and leave all my problems and stresses at the door. To go in and sit down and relax. To know, it really is going to be all right.
4. Not only is my husband the love of my life - he is my soul mate. He completes me. He is the best husband in the world. I was made for him!
5. My worst fear is for something to happen to either my husband or my girls.
6. My daughters are proof that you do reap what you sow. They act and do stuff more every day that is just like me. Its actually quite scary.
7. I have bulimic tendencies - started in high school. I miss having "that" friend who knew when I was stressed to check on me.
8. I need my Standing in the Light book by Stormie O'Martian back!!! If you haven't read it - it is awesome BUT before you read it you will need to read her biography Stormie - it will open your eyes! I had marked, underlined and highlighted all in that book!
9. The older I get, the things I was ashamed of growing up - I want now. The wood burning stove - I want one. Hard wood floors - I was embarrassed we didn't have carpet, now look - everyone wants hard wood!!
10. I want to write a book someday. Dont know what kind really. When I was walking hand in hand with God, I wanted to write a devotional - yes, I am fully aware of the "when" word. Its been a slow process, getting back there. Odd how it was so easy to leave.
11.I hate being fat. This is one of those things in your life where you look back and wonder if it was because I made fun of over weight people when I was thin. I didn't understand that yes truly there are instances when being overweight can not be helped. Health issues - thats the one that got me. I remember when being a certain size was just horrid - I would love to be that size now!
12. Why are teen girls so mean? Just because they can be. Why do teen girls cause so much drama - well a friend of mines daughter had to see a psychologist and that question was asked - do you know the psychologist told her it was because there was not enough drama in her life (home life) that that is why she created, caused, and attracted it. Interesting. So the girls who have horrible lives - have no need to cause and create drama???
13. I love to work in the yard. But what I want to do with my yard is a little out of my budget at this time :)
14. I would love to take classes to learn how to arrange flowers. I think it is so neat.
15. I wouldn't take staying at home with my girls for nothing. I love being a stay at home mom.
16. This harder than I thought it would be - I am a boring person!
17. I love thunderstorms - lightning and all. Though I do not like the close strike type of lightning. That scares the beegeebers out of me!
18. My daughter Hannah is what I wanted to look like when I was her age - aint that weird!! I thought I was so ugly.
19. I do not get this "deleting" friends thing. I mean, if someone is stalking you or is being out of their way rude or mean OK but for real . . . OOOOHHHHH whatcha gonna do - delete me - pahleeze, get a life. I'm sure, well I know, there are people who are on my friends list that I may not agree with them on some things but who cares. At one time I probably liked you. Its really not that big of a deal to me. If I kept my lists down to people who were really my friends - there wouldn't be very many, but I like to see how things are going for people, catching up with old friends, and so on and so forth. Will I delete you - probably not unless you REALLY get on my nerves about something. Politics - no - dont get into them. Religion - no - there is no one religion going to be in heaven - only saved people. You probably believe as strongly in your religion as I do mine, you can change me no more than I can change you.
With that said, there is one who is getting on my nerves, really bad!!
Since writing this I have cleaned my friends list on facebook several times. People who don't get on there, get on my nerves, post stupid stuff all the time, people I don't really know, and just people who I decide I don't really like.
20. I love Bible trivia - weird, yes, I know.
21. I would love one day to travel the world. A just take my time kind of travel too. Not on some time schedule. See the sights, do what the locals do. That kind of travel.
22. So far, I have only a couple of regrets in life. No, I will not share them with you.
23.I wish sometimes I could have had more kids. Do I want more now - NO WAY JOSE!! 4 would have been a good number.
24. I wish God would have given me a boy. I wouldn't take my girls for anything but I would have loved to have had a boy - guess it would have to have been #3 or 4
25.I miss my sister Angela when she was well. I hate it that she is in pain all the time. I miss being able to do things with her. I hate seeing her hurting and knowing that there is very little that can be done about it.
26. I love to read. But when I pick up a book, I cant put it down until I finish it. I will stay up all night just to finish a book.
27. How to hurt me - through my kids. I dont care if you dont like me. But to put my children down or to intestinally do something makes my claws come out and I want to go for the jugular. It is all I can do with in my being to walk away. Dont push me - because when I do come after you, when I am through, there will be nothing but a shell of a person left. It will be all I can do to maintain my Christian testimony.
28. Dont mistake my kindness for weakness
29. I love hearing my dad tell stories of his childhood and how mean he was. There is no doubt where I got it!!
30. I wish my cousins had been closer while we were growing up so I could have known them then.
31. I love going to my husbands "family reunion" dinner thingys. He has a large family and it is so neat to me.
32.I wish I could play the violin
33. I hated playing the piano. Every minute of it.
34. My first concert was Tim McGraw - I went with Kelley Pittman - she won tickets - it was awesome and I had the best time. I mean really who doesn't have fun with Kelley Pittman?
35.I have never done illegal drugs but would find it very easy to get addicted to Lortab - I like the way it makes me feel.
36. Alcohol aint all that - except in the area of sleep - it puts me to sleep. Go figure.
37. I like almost all books but I dont really go to much for sci fi - that would be my moms genre.
38. I love reading books the are set in the WWII era or Civil War era,
39 I like to watch documentaries on WWII.
40, I am like a sponge when it comes to the history aspects of the Holocaust. A horrible and tragic part of history. I cant imagine living during that time and being a Jew.
41. I wish when they made movies they would stick to as close to the book as possible - especially since the book is so much better than the movie. Example - Gone With the Wind - the movie was good - the book was even better.
42. I have drank coffee for as long as I can remember. My PaPa would feed it to me in a spoon - black. I drank it black for a long time. It hasn't been probably 10 years or so since I started putting creamer in it. But every once in a while I'll have it black.
43. Hot tea makes me throw up - :P
44. A hot bath can cure just about anything. Well, my mom told me that and for the most it can help a great deal. Except in the area of actually being sick, then not only are you sick, but your wet, hot and sick and now you feel even worse. Funny, I'm already teaching my daughters this,
45. I was potty trained with my mom turning the faucet on in the bathroom, to this day, if I hear water running, I have to go pee.
46. I have had a near death experience lately - twice. Gotta go the dr. about it. Since last week i have woke up not being able to breathe. My throat was closed up. Were not sure if it is an allergy or sleep apnea so . . But yes, I am afraid to go to sleep. Please pray for me.
47. I love the color yellow - I look absolutely yuck in it, but I love it.
48. Above yellow is the color red - my fave color!!
49. I love to sleep. There aint nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap. When we got married Eddy said he would break me of that. Sorry, it is in my make-up. I have done it my life, no stopping me now.
50. Wheww, halfway there
When I was a teenager people thought I was worse than I was and I let/made them to believe that I was as bad as they thought.
51. I hate cleaning the kitchen.
52. Usually if I cook a dessert, I cant eat it.
53. Another thing Eddy said he would stop was me sleeping with a fan on - guess who still sleeps with a fan on and who got him hooked to the white noise?
53. I would love to be able to make a quilt someday.
54. I watch very little TV. I have my shows that I watch and will let them pile up on TiVo and sit and watch them for about a week til I get caught up and then start all over letting them pile up.
55.I now understand why my parents wouldnt let me have a boyfriend when I was in my younger teen years.
56. My feelings dont get hurt very often but when they do it is almost detrimental to me. It really hurts me, I will get depressed and cry.
57. I dont care enough. Sometimes I think it is the wall I have built up trying to protect myself. But I really am unsympathetic.
58. I dont like to be touched. A hug is sometimes more than I can handle. I have become a lot better than I used to be, but it is still hard for me.
59.I would get a pedicure every week if i could.
60. I hate spiders. They literally make me nauseas.
61. Fall is my favorite season.
62. I love Christmas at Granny's. Bless her heart, she is too old to really do it now. But I love those memories of Christmas at hers or MeMa's or Aunt Bess' house.
My Granny passed away June 2011 - miss her everyday
63.I love the smell of black cherry pipe tobacco, it reminds me of my PaPa. I can still see him sitting at the end of the kitchen table cleaning out his pipe, re-filling it and drinking coffee, He passed away when I was 10.
64. I have this thing for pictures. i could look at old pictures all day.
65. I love antiques.
66. My mom used to make our Easter outfits - matching outfits. With bonnets. She even made our night gowns. I had a baby blue one and a red plaid flannel one.
67.Growing up we lived in an old house that didn't have central heat or air so in the winter we heated the house (or should I say the living room) with a wood stove. We would get dressed next to that stove and burn up on one side and then turn around to warm up the other side. We would also spit on the stove and watch it roll down the stove - gross I know but we thought it was hilarious.
68. I LOVE Chili's salsa. I could drink the stuff. I like salsa, not too hot not too mild and not real chunky.
69. I love a good authentic Greek salad.
70. Olive garden is one of my favorite restaurants.
71. When we got married, I could cook any southern meal but didn't know the basics - boiled hot dog or boiling an egg. To this day, I will call my mother in law on how long to boil an egg.
72. I hate it when I am told or asked to do something and someone comes around and takes over - that gripes me to no end. And then I secretly hope they mess it up. thats wrong I know.
73. I hate someone to stand over me telling me what to do. Do you want "me" to do it or not - especially when i know what I am doing.
74. I had this boss once that if you asked him a question he would answer you with a question. I hate that. Well, one day I turned the tables on him - it infuriated him. He may have been a Doctor and may have been my boss, but I dont care who you are, dont insult my intelligence and you dont talk down to me. Needless to say, we butted heads, and that job just didn't work out.
75.I hate noise. Especially loud noises. Actually believe it or not it is one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism - not being able to handle a lot of noise.
76. I get over stimulated easily by noise, lights and action. A trip to a UGA girls basket ball game put me in a dimly lit, quiet room for the rest of the evening. It totally exhausted me.
77. I should have become a doctor
78. I hate going to the dr. They really dont know what they are talking about - they are "practicing" which includes practicing on me.
79. If it is on the leaflet of a drug for possible side effects - I will have it.
80. I hate my hair - always have. I color it, get it cut, whatever. It is still never enough.
81. Its 2 Am - I'm scared to go to sleep
82. Everything I have set to accomplish I have done.
83.As short as I am my favorite sport in High school was volley ball - I loved it. I rocked!
84. I would play softball year round if I could - but my kids and family come first.
85. I knew on our second date I would marry Eddy.
86. I love snub nosed dogs. They just look like they need to be kissed. Boston Terriers, pug, english bulldogs are my faves.
87. I never thought I would have a chihuahua, never really liked them - until I got one.
88. Most actresses, actors and singers I like happen to be from the south. I will like them and find out later they are southern- aint that weird.
89. I love forensic shows and books. I have often joked that I want my body donate to the Body Farm in Tennessee - Eddy doesn't think it is funny
90.I have a green thumb - actually, if I try to kill it, I cant, somehow it will still survive. I love plants. I would have more but I dont know what I want.
91. I would love to have about 10acres with a log cabin house - a huge one. The kind where you walk in and its real open and airy.
92. I like to walk in graveyards and read tombstones - morbid I know. But I have done for this a long time, I even did this when I was a kid.
93. I dis like people who are intentionally mean. What is the purpose in that? Or who are destructive. There is no reason for it.
94. I love to fish. I haven't been in a while. Some of my best memories with my dad are us fishing. One of my best is when we were at some river when they let the damn open and I was holding on to my dad's belt loop to keep from being swept down stream.
95. I am not a good swimmer. I swim well enough to save myself, so dont drown near me.
96. I am CPR certified and have only had to use it once. It was on a 4 month old baby. The baby had either choked in its sleep or had SIDS. The baby didn't make it. Its amazing how God made the human mind. Yes, it bothers me, but it doesn't "haunt" me.
97. I have this weird thing for songs/music. I can hear the first couple of bars of a song and now what song it is. I also have a knack for memorizing words to songs.
98. I wish I knew more of my Dad's family - the Slates. The few times I have been around them I have really enjoyed it. I know where I get my sense of humor and sarcastic sense.
99. If you dont know my mom - I look just like her. But if you see me with the Slate side of my family, I look like a Slate also. I fit right in with them.
100 .EVERYTHING I have is because of Jesus - Everything!
If things have changed - I'll add on
1. Sometimes I think I need counseling. Either with a pastor or Christian psychologist. Oh the things I could talk about. Some big things, some that I should let go but just gnaw at me. I am not a bitter person I just tend to play things over and over as to how I might have handled things differently or just said something differently.
2. I have just about given up on the whole "friend" thing. I dont think it exists anymore. People get their feelings hurt too easily or get offended at the least little bit. Sometimes it is the stupidest thing. I just throw my hands up and walk away. I've been left standing there so many times, wondering what I did , I'm tired of trying anymore.
3. Church is my only escape. The only place I can go to and leave all my problems and stresses at the door. To go in and sit down and relax. To know, it really is going to be all right.
4. Not only is my husband the love of my life - he is my soul mate. He completes me. He is the best husband in the world. I was made for him!
5. My worst fear is for something to happen to either my husband or my girls.
6. My daughters are proof that you do reap what you sow. They act and do stuff more every day that is just like me. Its actually quite scary.
7. I have bulimic tendencies - started in high school. I miss having "that" friend who knew when I was stressed to check on me.
8. I need my Standing in the Light book by Stormie O'Martian back!!! If you haven't read it - it is awesome BUT before you read it you will need to read her biography Stormie - it will open your eyes! I had marked, underlined and highlighted all in that book!
9. The older I get, the things I was ashamed of growing up - I want now. The wood burning stove - I want one. Hard wood floors - I was embarrassed we didn't have carpet, now look - everyone wants hard wood!!
10. I want to write a book someday. Dont know what kind really. When I was walking hand in hand with God, I wanted to write a devotional - yes, I am fully aware of the "when" word. Its been a slow process, getting back there. Odd how it was so easy to leave.
11.I hate being fat. This is one of those things in your life where you look back and wonder if it was because I made fun of over weight people when I was thin. I didn't understand that yes truly there are instances when being overweight can not be helped. Health issues - thats the one that got me. I remember when being a certain size was just horrid - I would love to be that size now!
12. Why are teen girls so mean? Just because they can be. Why do teen girls cause so much drama - well a friend of mines daughter had to see a psychologist and that question was asked - do you know the psychologist told her it was because there was not enough drama in her life (home life) that that is why she created, caused, and attracted it. Interesting. So the girls who have horrible lives - have no need to cause and create drama???
13. I love to work in the yard. But what I want to do with my yard is a little out of my budget at this time :)
14. I would love to take classes to learn how to arrange flowers. I think it is so neat.
15. I wouldn't take staying at home with my girls for nothing. I love being a stay at home mom.
16. This harder than I thought it would be - I am a boring person!
17. I love thunderstorms - lightning and all. Though I do not like the close strike type of lightning. That scares the beegeebers out of me!
18. My daughter Hannah is what I wanted to look like when I was her age - aint that weird!! I thought I was so ugly.
19. I do not get this "deleting" friends thing. I mean, if someone is stalking you or is being out of their way rude or mean OK but for real . . . OOOOHHHHH whatcha gonna do - delete me - pahleeze, get a life. I'm sure, well I know, there are people who are on my friends list that I may not agree with them on some things but who cares. At one time I probably liked you. Its really not that big of a deal to me. If I kept my lists down to people who were really my friends - there wouldn't be very many, but I like to see how things are going for people, catching up with old friends, and so on and so forth. Will I delete you - probably not unless you REALLY get on my nerves about something. Politics - no - dont get into them. Religion - no - there is no one religion going to be in heaven - only saved people. You probably believe as strongly in your religion as I do mine, you can change me no more than I can change you.
With that said, there is one who is getting on my nerves, really bad!!
Since writing this I have cleaned my friends list on facebook several times. People who don't get on there, get on my nerves, post stupid stuff all the time, people I don't really know, and just people who I decide I don't really like.
20. I love Bible trivia - weird, yes, I know.
21. I would love one day to travel the world. A just take my time kind of travel too. Not on some time schedule. See the sights, do what the locals do. That kind of travel.
22. So far, I have only a couple of regrets in life. No, I will not share them with you.
23.I wish sometimes I could have had more kids. Do I want more now - NO WAY JOSE!! 4 would have been a good number.
24. I wish God would have given me a boy. I wouldn't take my girls for anything but I would have loved to have had a boy - guess it would have to have been #3 or 4
25.I miss my sister Angela when she was well. I hate it that she is in pain all the time. I miss being able to do things with her. I hate seeing her hurting and knowing that there is very little that can be done about it.
26. I love to read. But when I pick up a book, I cant put it down until I finish it. I will stay up all night just to finish a book.
27. How to hurt me - through my kids. I dont care if you dont like me. But to put my children down or to intestinally do something makes my claws come out and I want to go for the jugular. It is all I can do with in my being to walk away. Dont push me - because when I do come after you, when I am through, there will be nothing but a shell of a person left. It will be all I can do to maintain my Christian testimony.
28. Dont mistake my kindness for weakness
29. I love hearing my dad tell stories of his childhood and how mean he was. There is no doubt where I got it!!
30. I wish my cousins had been closer while we were growing up so I could have known them then.
31. I love going to my husbands "family reunion" dinner thingys. He has a large family and it is so neat to me.
32.I wish I could play the violin
33. I hated playing the piano. Every minute of it.
34. My first concert was Tim McGraw - I went with Kelley Pittman - she won tickets - it was awesome and I had the best time. I mean really who doesn't have fun with Kelley Pittman?
35.I have never done illegal drugs but would find it very easy to get addicted to Lortab - I like the way it makes me feel.
36. Alcohol aint all that - except in the area of sleep - it puts me to sleep. Go figure.
37. I like almost all books but I dont really go to much for sci fi - that would be my moms genre.
38. I love reading books the are set in the WWII era or Civil War era,
39 I like to watch documentaries on WWII.
40, I am like a sponge when it comes to the history aspects of the Holocaust. A horrible and tragic part of history. I cant imagine living during that time and being a Jew.
41. I wish when they made movies they would stick to as close to the book as possible - especially since the book is so much better than the movie. Example - Gone With the Wind - the movie was good - the book was even better.
42. I have drank coffee for as long as I can remember. My PaPa would feed it to me in a spoon - black. I drank it black for a long time. It hasn't been probably 10 years or so since I started putting creamer in it. But every once in a while I'll have it black.
43. Hot tea makes me throw up - :P
44. A hot bath can cure just about anything. Well, my mom told me that and for the most it can help a great deal. Except in the area of actually being sick, then not only are you sick, but your wet, hot and sick and now you feel even worse. Funny, I'm already teaching my daughters this,
45. I was potty trained with my mom turning the faucet on in the bathroom, to this day, if I hear water running, I have to go pee.
46. I have had a near death experience lately - twice. Gotta go the dr. about it. Since last week i have woke up not being able to breathe. My throat was closed up. Were not sure if it is an allergy or sleep apnea so . . But yes, I am afraid to go to sleep. Please pray for me.
47. I love the color yellow - I look absolutely yuck in it, but I love it.
48. Above yellow is the color red - my fave color!!
49. I love to sleep. There aint nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap. When we got married Eddy said he would break me of that. Sorry, it is in my make-up. I have done it my life, no stopping me now.
50. Wheww, halfway there
When I was a teenager people thought I was worse than I was and I let/made them to believe that I was as bad as they thought.
51. I hate cleaning the kitchen.
52. Usually if I cook a dessert, I cant eat it.
53. Another thing Eddy said he would stop was me sleeping with a fan on - guess who still sleeps with a fan on and who got him hooked to the white noise?
53. I would love to be able to make a quilt someday.
54. I watch very little TV. I have my shows that I watch and will let them pile up on TiVo and sit and watch them for about a week til I get caught up and then start all over letting them pile up.
55.I now understand why my parents wouldnt let me have a boyfriend when I was in my younger teen years.
56. My feelings dont get hurt very often but when they do it is almost detrimental to me. It really hurts me, I will get depressed and cry.
57. I dont care enough. Sometimes I think it is the wall I have built up trying to protect myself. But I really am unsympathetic.
58. I dont like to be touched. A hug is sometimes more than I can handle. I have become a lot better than I used to be, but it is still hard for me.
59.I would get a pedicure every week if i could.
60. I hate spiders. They literally make me nauseas.
61. Fall is my favorite season.
62. I love Christmas at Granny's. Bless her heart, she is too old to really do it now. But I love those memories of Christmas at hers or MeMa's or Aunt Bess' house.
My Granny passed away June 2011 - miss her everyday
63.I love the smell of black cherry pipe tobacco, it reminds me of my PaPa. I can still see him sitting at the end of the kitchen table cleaning out his pipe, re-filling it and drinking coffee, He passed away when I was 10.
64. I have this thing for pictures. i could look at old pictures all day.
65. I love antiques.
66. My mom used to make our Easter outfits - matching outfits. With bonnets. She even made our night gowns. I had a baby blue one and a red plaid flannel one.
67.Growing up we lived in an old house that didn't have central heat or air so in the winter we heated the house (or should I say the living room) with a wood stove. We would get dressed next to that stove and burn up on one side and then turn around to warm up the other side. We would also spit on the stove and watch it roll down the stove - gross I know but we thought it was hilarious.
68. I LOVE Chili's salsa. I could drink the stuff. I like salsa, not too hot not too mild and not real chunky.
69. I love a good authentic Greek salad.
70. Olive garden is one of my favorite restaurants.
71. When we got married, I could cook any southern meal but didn't know the basics - boiled hot dog or boiling an egg. To this day, I will call my mother in law on how long to boil an egg.
72. I hate it when I am told or asked to do something and someone comes around and takes over - that gripes me to no end. And then I secretly hope they mess it up. thats wrong I know.
73. I hate someone to stand over me telling me what to do. Do you want "me" to do it or not - especially when i know what I am doing.
74. I had this boss once that if you asked him a question he would answer you with a question. I hate that. Well, one day I turned the tables on him - it infuriated him. He may have been a Doctor and may have been my boss, but I dont care who you are, dont insult my intelligence and you dont talk down to me. Needless to say, we butted heads, and that job just didn't work out.
75.I hate noise. Especially loud noises. Actually believe it or not it is one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism - not being able to handle a lot of noise.
76. I get over stimulated easily by noise, lights and action. A trip to a UGA girls basket ball game put me in a dimly lit, quiet room for the rest of the evening. It totally exhausted me.
77. I should have become a doctor
78. I hate going to the dr. They really dont know what they are talking about - they are "practicing" which includes practicing on me.
79. If it is on the leaflet of a drug for possible side effects - I will have it.
80. I hate my hair - always have. I color it, get it cut, whatever. It is still never enough.
81. Its 2 Am - I'm scared to go to sleep
82. Everything I have set to accomplish I have done.
83.As short as I am my favorite sport in High school was volley ball - I loved it. I rocked!
84. I would play softball year round if I could - but my kids and family come first.
85. I knew on our second date I would marry Eddy.
86. I love snub nosed dogs. They just look like they need to be kissed. Boston Terriers, pug, english bulldogs are my faves.
87. I never thought I would have a chihuahua, never really liked them - until I got one.
88. Most actresses, actors and singers I like happen to be from the south. I will like them and find out later they are southern- aint that weird.
89. I love forensic shows and books. I have often joked that I want my body donate to the Body Farm in Tennessee - Eddy doesn't think it is funny
90.I have a green thumb - actually, if I try to kill it, I cant, somehow it will still survive. I love plants. I would have more but I dont know what I want.
91. I would love to have about 10acres with a log cabin house - a huge one. The kind where you walk in and its real open and airy.
92. I like to walk in graveyards and read tombstones - morbid I know. But I have done for this a long time, I even did this when I was a kid.
93. I dis like people who are intentionally mean. What is the purpose in that? Or who are destructive. There is no reason for it.
94. I love to fish. I haven't been in a while. Some of my best memories with my dad are us fishing. One of my best is when we were at some river when they let the damn open and I was holding on to my dad's belt loop to keep from being swept down stream.
95. I am not a good swimmer. I swim well enough to save myself, so dont drown near me.
96. I am CPR certified and have only had to use it once. It was on a 4 month old baby. The baby had either choked in its sleep or had SIDS. The baby didn't make it. Its amazing how God made the human mind. Yes, it bothers me, but it doesn't "haunt" me.
97. I have this weird thing for songs/music. I can hear the first couple of bars of a song and now what song it is. I also have a knack for memorizing words to songs.
98. I wish I knew more of my Dad's family - the Slates. The few times I have been around them I have really enjoyed it. I know where I get my sense of humor and sarcastic sense.
99. If you dont know my mom - I look just like her. But if you see me with the Slate side of my family, I look like a Slate also. I fit right in with them.
100 .EVERYTHING I have is because of Jesus - Everything!
Opinion
We've all heard the saying opinions are like @$$ holes - everyone has one.
That's true, and most are not appreciated.
Yes, its yours but it can not be forced on someone else.
A conviction is something that is in your heart that you can not be swayed from. Everyone needs some type of convictions in the their life.
Opinions however can be changed. With proper research someone can change your mind about something.
My question - why do some try to force their convictions on you?
I have lived that question. My life, up until I was 20, I was raised in a church that had the words conviction and rules confused.
They might have been a conviction to them but when they are forced upon someone else who doesn't feel or believe the same way, it becomes a rule. One they start to begrudge.
I could list many things I was forced to do saying, "its our conviction". They may have been my parents but the way I saw it was "house rules". I didn't feel the same way they did, because when I moved out, I did these things. Were they wrong? No, that's just it, but I was raised to think and believe that something was wrong with doing that or wearing that or going there. When in all reality, it was just a rule.
So, now as an adult, whenever someone tries to force their "conviction" on me, one of two things happened - fight or flight. If it involves my children, a fight is sure to happen.
Nothing infuriates me more than someone telling me that I am doing something wrong with my children just because I am doing it different than them. Different is not wrong, its just different.
Or better yet, try to force their beliefs on my children without coming to me or my husband about it.
So many people need to realize that just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it is going to work for everyone else.
I have some convictions that my children are very well aware of, and have scripture to back them up. Which I feel if you have a conviction you should have something to back it up, a personal experience or something in black and white. Something you can point to and say, "that is why".
That's true, and most are not appreciated.
Yes, its yours but it can not be forced on someone else.
A conviction is something that is in your heart that you can not be swayed from. Everyone needs some type of convictions in the their life.
Opinions however can be changed. With proper research someone can change your mind about something.
My question - why do some try to force their convictions on you?
I have lived that question. My life, up until I was 20, I was raised in a church that had the words conviction and rules confused.
They might have been a conviction to them but when they are forced upon someone else who doesn't feel or believe the same way, it becomes a rule. One they start to begrudge.
I could list many things I was forced to do saying, "its our conviction". They may have been my parents but the way I saw it was "house rules". I didn't feel the same way they did, because when I moved out, I did these things. Were they wrong? No, that's just it, but I was raised to think and believe that something was wrong with doing that or wearing that or going there. When in all reality, it was just a rule.
So, now as an adult, whenever someone tries to force their "conviction" on me, one of two things happened - fight or flight. If it involves my children, a fight is sure to happen.
Nothing infuriates me more than someone telling me that I am doing something wrong with my children just because I am doing it different than them. Different is not wrong, its just different.
Or better yet, try to force their beliefs on my children without coming to me or my husband about it.
So many people need to realize that just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it is going to work for everyone else.
I have some convictions that my children are very well aware of, and have scripture to back them up. Which I feel if you have a conviction you should have something to back it up, a personal experience or something in black and white. Something you can point to and say, "that is why".
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