Surving

Wow it has been a while. not that I havent needed to write, just basically all the stuff that has been going on in life.
Everything to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia to having to have injections done in my spine for a herniated disc/pinched nerve. The injections worked great for about 6 weeks. I am no where near the amount of pain I was in, but it does seem to be getting worse :( One day at a time.
So much has changed and is changing. Hannah graduated from high school, has gotten a job and is starting college in the fall. She has a boyfriend, the one - that I dont know. Only time will tell. I like him well enough but is he the one? Emily did not do well in school this year at all so we enrolled her in summer school and will probably continue this route into the fall.
Sometimes I feel like I am constantly fighting them in one way or another. Its their attitudes or just adhering to the rules.
Sometimes I just get through the day. Which that seems to be my norm. Just surviving.
I'm not depressed, well sometimes I am. I dont feel destined to be this way the rest of my life. Maybe right now I'm just coasting through. Saving my strength. For what, I dont know. In some ways I'm apathetic. Just really don't care. Don't care about anyone else but me and mine.
Taking Emily out of school will relieve some stress out of our lives. I was just so sick of all the drama - who's on drugs, who's pregnant, who's not talking to who this week. Really??!? It just got so old, so fast.
Money wise - same thing. Friday rich, Monday poor. Paying the bills, some play money. Again, surviving.
Family - mine ok, Eddy's - same crap as always. Why do we even try? Eddy longs for a relationship with his dad. Although as long as Ann is around, that will never happen.
Surviving - yep thats it - treading water.

Aggaivated

Its been a while since I've posted and today, well, I need to put all this down or I might explode.
Just aggravated. Aggravated that my 15 year old daughter is not serious about her school work. Most of her failing grades are strictly because she doesn't do it and doesn't turn anything in. And that just drives me bonkers. I have one end of the spectrum with her sister being OCD about her grades and then she could care less. I could just pull my hair out!
I have deep issues dealing with the church I was raised in and every time I read something that has to do with that subject, it sends me into a "mood". Why do I read it? - I'm hoping someone out there is going to give me or tell me something to move past it. But its really just not that easy. Then, the other night , my daughter wants to discuss a Biblical topic we've heard preached for years (not at the church were at now) only to find out, its not in the Bible, or should I say, its been elaborated upon.
Another question - if there is so much to teach and learn in the Bible why must someone preach opinion? And preach it as if it is written just that way.
I am so sick of opinion preaching. Sick of legalism preaching. Us against them. Just over it. Over religion in general.
I fight weekly the rules and opinions of my youth. I have a hard time judging people in church matters. I have had to accept the fact that its between them and God and not for me to judge.
Just having one of those days I guess.
Aggravated my back hurts - my house is a mess and I really cant do much about it. Yes, I have daughters, don't start on me about that. I am a house wife and I feel it is my job being that, that I should do the things that are around the house. They do help out some, one more than the other.
If I drank, I think now would be the perfect time to start.