Past

I wrote this in 2009 - 100 things about me.
If things have changed - I'll add on



1. Sometimes I think I need counseling. Either with a pastor or Christian psychologist. Oh the things I could talk about. Some big things, some that I should let go but just gnaw at me. I am not a bitter person I just tend to play things over and over as to how I might have handled things differently or just said something differently.

2. I have just about given up on the whole "friend" thing. I dont think it exists anymore. People get their feelings hurt too easily or get offended at the least little bit. Sometimes it is the stupidest thing. I just throw my hands up and walk away. I've been left standing there so many times, wondering what I did , I'm tired of trying anymore.

3. Church is my only escape. The only place I can go to and leave all my problems and stresses at the door. To go in and sit down and relax. To know, it really is going to be all right.

4. Not only is my husband the love of my life - he is my soul mate. He completes me. He is the best husband in the world. I was made for him!

5. My worst fear is for something to happen to either my husband or my girls.

6. My daughters are proof that you do reap what you sow. They act and do stuff more every day that is just like me. Its actually quite scary.

7. I have bulimic tendencies - started in high school. I miss having "that" friend who knew when I was stressed to check on me.

8. I need my Standing in the Light book by Stormie O'Martian back!!! If you haven't read it - it is awesome BUT before you read it you will need to read her biography Stormie - it will open your eyes! I had marked, underlined and highlighted all in that book!

9. The older I get, the things I was ashamed of growing up - I want now. The wood burning stove - I want one. Hard wood floors - I was embarrassed we didn't have carpet, now look - everyone wants hard wood!!

10. I want to write a book someday. Dont know what kind really. When I was walking hand in hand with God, I wanted to write a devotional - yes, I am fully aware of the "when" word. Its been a slow process, getting back there. Odd how it was so easy to leave.

11.I hate being fat. This is one of those things in your life where you look back and wonder if it was because I made fun of over weight people when I was thin. I didn't understand that yes truly there are instances when being overweight can not be helped. Health issues - thats the one that got me. I remember when being a certain size was just horrid - I would love to be that size now!

12. Why are teen girls so mean? Just because they can be. Why do teen girls cause so much drama - well a friend of mines daughter had to see a psychologist and that question was asked - do you know the psychologist told her it was because there was not enough drama in her life (home life) that that is why she created, caused, and attracted it. Interesting. So the girls who have horrible lives - have no need to cause and create drama???

13. I love to work in the yard. But what I want to do with my yard is a little out of my budget at this time :)

14. I would love to take classes to learn how to arrange flowers. I think it is so neat.

15. I wouldn't take staying at home with my girls for nothing. I love being a stay at home mom.

16. This harder than I thought it would be - I am a boring person!

17. I love thunderstorms - lightning and all. Though I do not like the close strike type of lightning. That scares the beegeebers out of me!

18. My daughter Hannah is what I wanted to look like when I was her age - aint that weird!! I thought I was so ugly.

19. I do not get this "deleting" friends thing. I mean, if someone is stalking you or is being out of their way rude or mean OK but for real . . . OOOOHHHHH whatcha gonna do - delete me - pahleeze, get a life. I'm sure, well I know, there are people who are on my friends list that I may not agree with them on some things but who cares. At one time I probably liked you. Its really not that big of a deal to me. If I kept my lists down to people who were really my friends - there wouldn't be very many, but I like to see how things are going for people, catching up with old friends, and so on and so forth. Will I delete you - probably not unless you REALLY get on my nerves about something. Politics - no - dont get into them. Religion - no - there is no one religion going to be in heaven - only saved people. You probably believe as strongly in your religion as I do mine, you can change me no more than I can change you.
With that said, there is one who is getting on my nerves, really bad!!
Since writing this I have cleaned my friends list on facebook several times. People who don't get on there, get on my nerves, post stupid stuff all the time, people I don't really know, and just people who I decide I don't really like.

20. I love Bible trivia - weird, yes, I know.

21. I would love one day to travel the world. A just take my time kind of travel too. Not on some time schedule. See the sights, do what the locals do. That kind of travel.

22. So far, I have only a couple of regrets in life. No, I will not share them with you.

23.I wish sometimes I could have had more kids. Do I want more now - NO WAY JOSE!! 4 would have been a good number.

24. I wish God would have given me a boy. I wouldn't take my girls for anything but I would have loved to have had a boy - guess it would have to have been #3 or 4

25.I miss my sister Angela when she was well. I hate it that she is in pain all the time. I miss being able to do things with her. I hate seeing her hurting and knowing that there is very little that can be done about it.

26. I love to read. But when I pick up a book, I cant put it down until I finish it. I will stay up all night just to finish a book.

27. How to hurt me - through my kids. I dont care if you dont like me. But to put my children down or to intestinally do something makes my claws come out and I want to go for the jugular. It is all I can do with in my being to walk away. Dont push me - because when I do come after you, when I am through, there will be nothing but a shell of a person left. It will be all I can do to maintain my Christian testimony.

28. Dont mistake my kindness for weakness

29. I love hearing my dad tell stories of his childhood and how mean he was. There is no doubt where I got it!!

30. I wish my cousins had been closer while we were growing up so I could have known them then.

31. I love going to my husbands "family reunion" dinner thingys. He has a large family and it is so neat to me.

32.I wish I could play the violin

33. I hated playing the piano. Every minute of it.

34. My first concert was Tim McGraw - I went with Kelley Pittman - she won tickets - it was awesome and I had the best time. I mean really who doesn't have fun with Kelley Pittman?

35.I have never done illegal drugs but would find it very easy to get addicted to Lortab - I like the way it makes me feel.

36. Alcohol aint all that - except in the area of sleep - it puts me to sleep. Go figure.

37. I like almost all books but I dont really go to much for sci fi - that would be my moms genre.

38. I love reading books the are set in the WWII era or Civil War era,

39 I like to watch documentaries on WWII.

40, I am like a sponge when it comes to the history aspects of the Holocaust. A horrible and tragic part of history. I cant imagine living during that time and being a Jew.

41. I wish when they made movies they would stick to as close to the book as possible - especially since the book is so much better than the movie. Example - Gone With the Wind - the movie was good - the book was even better.

42. I have drank coffee for as long as I can remember. My PaPa would feed it to me in a spoon - black. I drank it black for a long time. It hasn't been probably 10 years or so since I started putting creamer in it. But every once in a while I'll have it black.

43. Hot tea makes me throw up - :P

44. A hot bath can cure just about anything. Well, my mom told me that and for the most it can help a great deal. Except in the area of actually being sick, then not only are you sick, but your wet, hot and sick and now you feel even worse. Funny, I'm already teaching my daughters this,

45. I was potty trained with my mom turning the faucet on in the bathroom, to this day, if I hear water running, I have to go pee.

46. I have had a near death experience lately - twice. Gotta go the dr. about it. Since last week i have woke up not being able to breathe. My throat was closed up. Were not sure if it is an allergy or sleep apnea so . . But yes, I am afraid to go to sleep. Please pray for me.

47. I love the color yellow - I look absolutely yuck in it, but I love it.

48. Above yellow is the color red - my fave color!!

49. I love to sleep. There aint nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap. When we got married Eddy said he would break me of that. Sorry, it is in my make-up. I have done it my life, no stopping me now.

50. Wheww, halfway there
When I was a teenager people thought I was worse than I was and I let/made them to believe that I was as bad as they thought.

51. I hate cleaning the kitchen.

52. Usually if I cook a dessert, I cant eat it.

53. Another thing Eddy said he would stop was me sleeping with a fan on - guess who still sleeps with a fan on and who got him hooked to the white noise?

53. I would love to be able to make a quilt someday.

54. I watch very little TV. I have my shows that I watch and will let them pile up on TiVo and sit and watch them for about a week til I get caught up and then start all over letting them pile up.

55.I now understand why my parents wouldnt let me have a boyfriend when I was in my younger teen years.

56. My feelings dont get hurt very often but when they do it is almost detrimental to me. It really hurts me, I will get depressed and cry.

57. I dont care enough. Sometimes I think it is the wall I have built up trying to protect myself. But I really am unsympathetic.

58. I dont like to be touched. A hug is sometimes more than I can handle. I have become a lot better than I used to be, but it is still hard for me.

59.I would get a pedicure every week if i could.

60. I hate spiders. They literally make me nauseas.

61. Fall is my favorite season.

62. I love Christmas at Granny's. Bless her heart, she is too old to really do it now. But I love those memories of Christmas at hers or MeMa's or Aunt Bess' house.
My Granny passed away June 2011 - miss her everyday

63.I love the smell of black cherry pipe tobacco, it reminds me of my PaPa. I can still see him sitting at the end of the kitchen table cleaning out his pipe, re-filling it and drinking coffee, He passed away when I was 10.

64. I have this thing for pictures. i could look at old pictures all day.

65. I love antiques.

66. My mom used to make our Easter outfits - matching outfits. With bonnets. She even made our night gowns. I had a baby blue one and a red plaid flannel one.

67.Growing up we lived in an old house that didn't have central heat or air so in the winter we heated the house (or should I say the living room) with a wood stove. We would get dressed next to that stove and burn up on one side and then turn around to warm up the other side. We would also spit on the stove and watch it roll down the stove - gross I know but we thought it was hilarious.

68. I LOVE Chili's salsa. I could drink the stuff. I like salsa, not too hot not too mild and not real chunky.

69. I love a good authentic Greek salad.

70. Olive garden is one of my favorite restaurants.

71. When we got married, I could cook any southern meal but didn't know the basics - boiled hot dog or boiling an egg. To this day, I will call my mother in law on how long to boil an egg.

72. I hate it when I am told or asked to do something and someone comes around and takes over - that gripes me to no end. And then I secretly hope they mess it up. thats wrong I know.

73. I hate someone to stand over me telling me what to do. Do you want "me" to do it or not - especially when i know what I am doing.

74. I had this boss once that if you asked him a question he would answer you with a question. I hate that. Well, one day I turned the tables on him - it infuriated him. He may have been a Doctor and may have been my boss, but I dont care who you are, dont insult my intelligence and you dont talk down to me. Needless to say, we butted heads, and that job just didn't work out.

75.I hate noise. Especially loud noises. Actually believe it or not it is one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism - not being able to handle a lot of noise.

76. I get over stimulated easily by noise, lights and action. A trip to a UGA girls basket ball game put me in a dimly lit, quiet room for the rest of the evening. It totally exhausted me.

77. I should have become a doctor

78. I hate going to the dr. They really dont know what they are talking about - they are "practicing" which includes practicing on me.

79. If it is on the leaflet of a drug for possible side effects - I will have it.

80. I hate my hair - always have. I color it, get it cut, whatever. It is still never enough.

81. Its 2 Am - I'm scared to go to sleep

82. Everything I have set to accomplish I have done.

83.As short as I am my favorite sport in High school was volley ball - I loved it. I rocked!

84. I would play softball year round if I could - but my kids and family come first.

85. I knew on our second date I would marry Eddy.

86. I love snub nosed dogs. They just look like they need to be kissed. Boston Terriers, pug, english bulldogs are my faves.

87. I never thought I would have a chihuahua, never really liked them - until I got one.

88. Most actresses, actors and singers I like happen to be from the south. I will like them and find out later they are southern- aint that weird.

89. I love forensic shows and books. I have often joked that I want my body donate to the Body Farm in Tennessee - Eddy doesn't think it is funny

90.I have a green thumb - actually, if I try to kill it, I cant, somehow it will still survive. I love plants. I would have more but I dont know what I want.

91. I would love to have about 10acres with a log cabin house - a huge one. The kind where you walk in and its real open and airy.

92. I like to walk in graveyards and read tombstones - morbid I know. But I have done for this a long time, I even did this when I was a kid.

93. I dis like people who are intentionally mean. What is the purpose in that? Or who are destructive. There is no reason for it.

94. I love to fish. I haven't been in a while. Some of my best memories with my dad are us fishing. One of my best is when we were at some river when they let the damn open and I was holding on to my dad's belt loop to keep from being swept down stream.

95. I am not a good swimmer. I swim well enough to save myself, so dont drown near me.

96. I am CPR certified and have only had to use it once. It was on a 4 month old baby. The baby had either choked in its sleep or had SIDS. The baby didn't make it. Its amazing how God made the human mind. Yes, it bothers me, but it doesn't "haunt" me.

97. I have this weird thing for songs/music. I can hear the first couple of bars of a song and now what song it is. I also have a knack for memorizing words to songs.

98. I wish I knew more of my Dad's family - the Slates. The few times I have been around them I have really enjoyed it. I know where I get my sense of humor and sarcastic sense.

99. If you dont know my mom - I look just like her. But if you see me with the Slate side of my family, I look like a Slate also. I fit right in with them.

100 .EVERYTHING I have is because of Jesus - Everything!

Opinion

We've all heard the saying opinions are like @$$ holes - everyone has one.
That's true, and most are not appreciated.
Yes, its yours but it can not be forced on someone else.
A conviction is something that is in your heart that you can not be swayed from. Everyone needs some type of convictions in the their life.
Opinions however can be changed. With proper research someone can change your mind about something.
My question - why do some try to force their convictions on you?
I have lived that question. My life, up until I was 20, I was raised in a church that had the words conviction and rules confused.
They might have been a conviction to them but when they are forced upon someone else who doesn't feel or believe the same way, it becomes a rule. One they start to begrudge.
I could list many things I was forced to do saying, "its our conviction". They may have been my parents but the way I saw it was "house rules". I didn't feel the same way they did, because when I moved out, I did these things. Were they wrong? No, that's just it, but I was raised to think and believe that something was wrong with doing that or wearing that or going there. When in all reality, it was just a rule.
So, now as an adult, whenever someone tries to force their "conviction" on me, one of two things happened - fight or flight. If it involves my children, a fight is sure to happen.
Nothing infuriates me more than someone telling me that I am doing something wrong with my children just because I am doing it different than them. Different is not wrong, its just different.
Or better yet, try to force their beliefs on my children without coming to me or my husband about it.
So many people need to realize that just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it is going to work for everyone else.
I have some convictions that my children are very well aware of, and have scripture to back them up. Which I feel if you have a conviction you should have something to back it up, a personal experience or something in black and white. Something you can point to and say, "that is why".

Mom

With today being Mothers Day I will share my day with you.
Woke up just like any other Sunday. Hannah brought me down her and Emily's gift, a pretty orchid.
We went to church. Went to Jersey Mike's for lunch - yum. Eddy and Hannah then walked to Lowe's and got my big Mothers Day gift - two chairs for the porch or deck. Love them, they are so comfortable. Nap. Got up and helped clean the pool then back to church for Sunday night service. Came home and cooked supper - pork chops, mashed potatoes, green bean, rolls and tea. And here we are present time - me blogging.  Its been a good day.
I have loved being a mom. It hasn't always been easy but I have enjoyed it.
Its the hardest most rewarding job ever.

Understanding

I like to understand things. Why they are the way they are. Its not that hard to me, just explain it to me.
What I don't understand is what is going on with my husbands family.
My husbands dad married his second wife when my husband was 10 or 12. He knew her before they were married by working with her in the chicken houses. He didn't like her then. Before they got married he had told his dad that if he married her he would go live with his mom in Ga. All his dad said was I hate to see you go. He ended up staying.
There were many tumultuous years. His grandmother had lived with them to help him with the kids, she and step mom did not get along at all. His grandmother thought the sun rose and set on his shoulders. She babied him to say the least. I really believe that was what he needed at that time since him mom was only in the picture holidays and during the summer since she lived a state away. So needless to say, grandmother had to move out.
My husband had told me his step mom did a lot for him but the negative far out weighed the positive. He remembers spending a lot of time in his room being grounded.
He went to church on Sundays by himself.
Upon graduating high school he was told to 1) join the Army 2) go to college and pay your own way or 3) go to Ga. and live with your mom and start a life there. He chose Ga.
Life was not always easy in Ga. but he found a church through his sister and plugged in there.
We met in 1991 and started dating. I was told stories of his family and soon met them. I did not meet his dad and step mom until we were engaged.
I had determined I would draw my own conclusions and make the best of it and try to mend some fences.
Honestly, everything went well for about 4 or 5 years. Then I remember one holiday sitting there in their house - mind you we had just drove 5 hours with a young child - I sat there and listened to them belittle him and put him down for I don't know how long. He had gone in to the bedroom, I went in there and told him if I went back out there and it continued, we would leave. I didn't drive that far to be put down in someone else's house - as a guest! Thankfully it stopped.
There were a couple to four years of nothing big, but of course, all good things must come to an end.
When me children were given money for Christmas she would tell us to make sure the money gets spent on them and not you. WHAT!?! I would never, nor have I ever spent my children's money. This was said to us more than once on different occasions.
It reached its peak when his dad had a heart attack weeks before Christmas. The family trip to Gatlinburg was cancelled. He didn't rush out there because were told not to. We went the next day. On our way there we started receiving calls about the underlying reason for going out there - money. HUH? We were going to see his dad in the hospital. We arrived and saw his dad. Not too long after getting there his step mom unloads  on us that mu husband was the reason for the heart attack - ?? I guess diet, stress, and lack of exercise had nothing to do with it. Pretty much the money was thrown at us and we left.
Walking out, I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. What had we/he done to be treated like that? Needless to say, I cried all the way back to GA from Birmingham. He talked on the phone to his step sister who is a peace maker. She tried to smooth things over to no avail.
Two Christmases a go we were to all go to Gatlinburg just like every other year. We had said we were going to go and to add us to helping pay for the parents room. Well, something happened to our checking account and we couldn't go. So pretty much we backed out last minute. It was not planned, it was not on purpose.
After it was decided we wouldn't go, the peace that came over me was unbelievable. The stress load was gone. So many times on our way there I would pray consistently. I would be so stressed out I would literally be sick, and stay sick the entire trip, scared some kind of drama would unfold.
We didn't go again this past Christmas - not because of money, because we didn't want to. Its the absolutely worst time of year to plan something like that money-wise.
Every time we are around them there is some kind of drama.
This past spring my husband called his dad to maybe go up there and spend time with him. He told us that was fine. The next day he called to tell him he couldn't because he dis-respected his wife (step mom).
We have never disrespected her, if anything we have been disrespected and on more than one occasion.
They have never called on our children's birthdays. The only time they hear from them are at Christmas where they are given money. They came to see one of Emily's softball games at World Series. I think they were passing through. They travel all over the US with friends but cant drive the next state over to see their grandchildren. They came out when the girls were born. Other than that I can count on one hand how many times they have been out.
She has grandchildren (2) in the same state as her and a great grand baby. She sees them and spends time with them - I see the pics. I refuse to believe they never call them on their birthdays. That they get the same treatment as his dad's grand kids get.
I would say she controls his dad, but he allows it. It has gone on so long now, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I truly believe he is a good man. I just wish he would make the effort to get to know his kids, his grand kids. Let his grand kids know him.
Why? I just want to understand.
Does she treat his brother and sister like this? No. They bow to her, something we do not do. I refuse to, I am not that kind of person.
This really hurts him. He says it does and then tries to play it off and say it nothing out of the ordinary for her.
Understanding - because I just don't get it.

Young

In my young married, new mother years I used to say I would never put my child(ren) in the public school system. Yes, I ate those words.
My children have been to Christian school, have been home schooled and are currently in public school and have been for 6 years.
With having said those words I came to realize that : a) Christian school is not for everyone b) there is sacrifice for doing so and c) it is not a cure all fix all.
I went all 13 years (K-12) to a Christian school. I had no idea how public school was. All of my friends from church went to a public school, so I knew it wasn't all bad, but I did think I was better for going to a "private" school.
I thank my parents for the sacrifices they made to put me and my sisters through Christian school. I feel I got a great education and have a really good knowledge of the Bible.
Do I wish I could put my children in a Christian school? Yes and no. Yes, in that I would love them to know the Bible like I do, to be taught discipline like I was, to have the fundamentals and foundation I was given. No, in that my children are witnesses in their school. They are always bringing their friends to church and several have gotten saved because of it. My youngest has a slight learning disability, she gets the extra help she needs to succeed where in a private school she would not get the extra help she needs. And no, she would not get it homeschooling either. Its not about more time I would have needed to spend with her, she needed specialized help. I tried. I knew I/she/we needed help when homeschooling was not working. I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall at the end of the day and was just exhausted mentally and physically. At that point it had started affecting my health. I started having migraines, my face was breaking out and I must have looked horrible because my dad said something to my mom about it.
We put them in school right after Christmas break. Hannah eased right in, but that's the way she is. Emily was a different story. To make it worse, her and the teacher were not a fit - at all.
She had already been taking speech therapy 3 or 4 years and her speech therapist was at that school. She went to bat for Emily so many times. She let that teacher know real quick she did not know it all and that it wasn't all by the book. Thankfully the next year Emi had a teacher that she bonded with what a great year that was.
Six years later - Emily only has to have help in one class - Math. Everything else is up to par. Praise the Lord.
Hannah never has had trouble really, hers has been girl drama. She is dramatic so I shouldn't have expected anything different.
There were the years in middle school where I, as a parent, was trying to find my way and failed. At times and during those times, it was rough. I kind of figured it out so the road has been a bit smoother.
Still learning every day.
I get quite amused when my girls talk about life in general and how things are and how they are going to do it. Yeah right! Its amazing how you change your view on things when it involves your child.  They're still young, they've still got quite a while before they will be on this road.
But wasn't it just the other day I was in high school? Time sure has flown and doesn't seem to be slowing down or stopping any time soon.

Change

Today I think  I'm going to start my journey once again of working out.
It's so odd to me to think how long ago it was that I started working out and then within months I was teaching my own class. I loved it! Yes - I got the high that some get when working out. And yes, it is/was addictive. I taught 3 classes a week. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning I taught a 1 hour step, aerobics or 20/20/20 class. I had my groupies and peeps. The best feeling I had was the week of July 4th, I literally had a packed house. I had no steps left and we were packed in like sardines. It was awesome! I truly think one of the common denominators of my class was our age and the type of music I played. I played 80s music. We all laughed, reminisced and sang along the entire class. While we were in there we were having fun, without a care in the world.
What changed? Well, first of all, I was told I couldn't play the music I was playing - it had to be Christian music. I have nothing against Christian music or instrumental (no words). With that change, my class size dropped drastically. Working out just wasn't the same for my regulars.
Then there were some family issues that I had no control over and decided I needed a break and truly my body was getting beat up. Along with teaching at the gym I was teaching one night a week at a church that had a hard floor. It ended up being the death of my feet. I developed heel spurs and plantar fasciitis . It killed getting up in the morning. I couldn't put my feet on the floor, the pain was excruciating. I had cortisone shots put in my foot, but they are not a fix, only temporary relief.
The final straw for teaching at this gym came when I would go to cash my checks and there would be no money in the account. At that point I knew the gym was in trouble.
I went to another gym but my feet were still killing me and I eventually gave up.
That was about 9 years ago.
Its also hard to believe that nine years ago I was 32!! WOW!  When did I get old? Feel better physically and emotionally about myself. I really truly hate being fat - hate it. Things have got to change