On any typical day, I am not a jealous person, but the past couple of days, I have been.
Two weeks ago Emily had to go to the doctor about her shoulder. They told us it was irritated cartilage and rotator cuff tendinitis. Had we not brought her in when we did surgery would have been in the works. Now we've had 2 weeks of physical therapy, no throwing, no pitching and her shoulder still hurts. She has not been able to try out for the high school team, so were not on the team. Team pictures are Sunday but were not on the team. They've had games this weekend, but were not on the team. I've had to see pictures on Facebook of the game winning run or of the pitcher who pitched (it would have been Emi). We should have been in that game. I'm jealous and I admit it.
For 8 years Emily has played softball and this is the first time we've had to do this. It's hard! I hate it.
Yes, I understand she has to get better in order to ever pitch or throw again but it doesn't make it any easier.
I have to keep reminding my self of Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I know this verse but it is so hard to put into practice this time. I understand God is keeping her/us from something.
Yesterday she talked for a long time with her pitching coach and just rolled things and scenarios around with her. Emi has a good grasp of what all is at stake and is going on in her life right now. She is torn. She wants to play but also knows she needs to concentrate on her schoolwork and grades and that is what's more important.
There is that part of me that is scared that her shoulder is worse than it seems. That she does need surgery.
I want so much for her but this has made me realize and think - do I want this for her or me?
We have put so much money and time into pitching. She is good.
Why is this driving me crazy like it is?
When I see the pics I think in myself - that should have been Emily.
God help me.
Tuesday is her next PT appointment and at that point will be determined whether she will be dismissed or not. I have an odd feeling she will not. So that will mean no high school softball this year. I will probably come home and cry. It seems this is what we've worked for. The notoriety of playing on the high school team. How she takes it - I don't know. Who knows, she may be relieved.
This is all in God's hands, what he sees best for her is what will happen.
So why cant I stop feeling this way?
